7 events that constitute a 5k in the morning

C'mon guys, we don't shut our city streets down enough. You want to run a 5k. You do. I know you do. And in case you're worried you won't have a good enough reason, relax. I've got seven:

1Philanthropy fundraisers. They're for a good cause. Because, you know, they definitely couldn't have saved cats from homelessness if all you'd done was donate your money.

2. New Year's Day. Because new year, new you. And new cure for that pesty hangover: a starter pistol and dehydration. Count me in! But start at like, twenty.

3. Literally every other holiday. Fourth of July, Easter. Heck, we'll even invent a holiday for 5k's. A 5k in celebration of 5k's! Alert the local Orange Theory!

4A nighttime bike race. Woah woah WOAH, did those biker dudes think they could just slip in and take all the street cred? Not on my $200 heart-rate-tracking watch. And if ole Pasta Pete slips past you on the final stretch, you can just yell up, "I'll be back. With wheels."

5. A poetry reading. Nothing amps me up for a night of dwelling on ineluctable despair like a hearty morning jog. Feel the endorphins pumping? Good, you'll need them later.

6. West Virginia's Roadkill Cook-off Festival. "The very obstacles you dodge may be the obstacles you eat." It's a little long for the t-shirt, but maybe for the aprons.

7. Weddings. Because nothing says "I love you unconditionally" like "maybe run some cal's off morning-of".

Emma Murphysevens